Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
false alarm, still single
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