Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
