Well douche your snatch and let's go!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
