shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
