making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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