Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
