I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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