its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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