I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
