he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
