Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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