I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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