dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
