this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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