The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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