what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
