In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
