im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
