Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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