Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
