Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
