I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
