I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
