He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
