I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
