I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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