yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
