dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
