i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
