He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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