why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
