What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
