How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
