The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
