I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
