Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
