He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
