I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
