EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
