would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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