genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
