guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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