Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
