So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
