I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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