I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he thought i was a dude.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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