Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
