Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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