i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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