if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
