it wasn't lemon gatorade
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
