nut hugger
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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