Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
