I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
